“Your hair is distracting”, “Your hair looks so bad”, “I can no longer follow you [because of your hair]”. These are all comments I’ve received, but maybe not because of what you were expecting. I am begging you not to skip to the below section, but to read these first few paragraphs because they are part of such a bigger picture and will lack so much context. I hope what I share gives insight and helps people to have more compassionate responses to others.
My Curly Hair Journey
I love my natural curly hair! Despite growing up with societal pressures to straighten it and seeing so few people rocking their curls, I gave up the regular straightening of my hair in high school and haven’t touched a straightener in the past 5 years. That actually has a lot more to do with a stylist who told my mom she really didn’t want to chemically straighten my hair in early high school because it would permanently damage my hair. I’ve had problems and so many times have felt like life would be so much easier if it was straight, but it’s a unique aspect of me that I’ve come to embrace. It’s why my site is named what it is.
My Curly Hair Routine
I’m going to share what I do for anyone who wants to rock their curls!
First off I can’t recommend enough to find the right stylist. What works for my hair might not work for yours. If you’re in Dallas, I highly recommend Erica at Cross Co Salon. It can be a bit of investment, but the way she looks at all curly hair types and accommodates her cuts and styling to their individuality makes all the difference. She also does curl coaching during the cut so you can leave confident and informed with the knowledge you need.
If you don’t live in Dallas, my biggest suggestions are these. FInd someone who:
- Mostly specializes in curly hair
- Isn’t just deva curl certified, but also who is constantly getting new training (I love that Erica never stops her education, has multiple certifications, and learns from other curly hair experts)
- Will teach how to maintain your curls
When I wear my hair natural, my favorite curly hair technique is in this video. The products may change, but the technique is the same. I’m not a big fan of talking about products. They vary so much curl type to curl type and styling method. However, I will say cleansing your hair from build up and deep conditioning masks are a curly girl’s best friend.
1. Wash out conditioner and apply leave in conditioner to soaking wet hair
2. Grab a small amount of the styler that works best for your hair and work through still soaking wet hair (important!!)
3. You can run your fingers through your hair until the product is fully applied or brush through your hair.
4. Grab small sections of your hair and twist them into curls. Now squish out all the excess water.
5. Diffuse for most volume!
6. Wait until hair is fully dry and then pull apart curls into smaller ringlets.
What Not to Say to People With Curly Hair
People often mean their questions with the best of intentions, but curiosity does not mean that everyone owes you an explanation. Don’t make someone either feel obligated to say yes to not come across as rude or have to set up boundaries to tell you no. Your life will not change if you get the answers to the burning questions below.
- ”Can I touch your hair?” No, you cannot. Your hands have oils and dirt that are bad for my hair. You might run your hair through my hair in a way that breaks up the curls.
- ”Is that really your hair?” “Is your hair natural?” “Is your hair real?” Yes, it is. No matter the answer, that is what I’m going to say if you ask me in person. I don’t know you; you did not read the full backstory of why my hair is the way it is, and I don’t want your next prying comments. And truthfully, even if you did, I do not owe anyone that information. Also, imagine you ask the wrong person that. Imagine someone who is wearing a wig who has lost their hair to chemo or something else and is feeling self-conscious already about their hair. Why do they owe you the answers to those questions? Why put them in the awkward situation of them feeling obligated to lie or telling you the truth at their expense of their comfort just for your curiosity.
If you like someone’s hair simply saying, “I really like your hair,” is sufficient enough. Now maybe some people don’t mind if you ask the questions above, but you have no way of knowing who does and who doesn’t mind. There are so many less controversial questions to ask. Save everyone the awkwardness and find another question to ask.
If you read this long, thank you! Hair is such an emotional thing and I appreciate you taking the time to read mine. I hope it’s provided some insight and I hope you will find grace in moments that people need it.